Do You Think I'm Funny and Entertaining? Please Donate. Thank You!

Friday, November 28, 2008

Happy Thanksgiving... !!!

This week I have been hanging out with Wally, Hot Lips, The Man... Carmine Appiece ( Rock Drummer) and Fightn' Mad Mary and her coworkers

OMG... It's a hard knock life without an computer... must get one by next week... I am at Fightn' Mad Mary's house...

For Thanksgiving... I met with the lovely Leslie at our office...(wow you look stunning Les)Starbucks where we solve the problems of the world and better ourselves... (Thanks for the Ice Green Tea Leslie Lu)

I had dinner at the Sportsmans Lodge on Ventura... it's the last year... closing to put up condos...
Wally took five of his friends to the most awesome buffet... Thanks Wa Wa!!!

I always enjoy being around Hot Lips and The Man... happy wonderful marriage... YEA!

PK Texted me during dinner.. The Man and Hot Lips made it clear that PK is manipulator and... just plain wrong... ahhhh

Dinner was great...

went over to Fightn' Mad Mary's house... she bought me VEGAN FOOD... and she made most of it from scratch... YEAH!... sooo good... I was sooo full already ... but that didn't stop me from eating more...Mary, her husband and I went to Tom's house (coworker of Fightn' Mad Mary's)...
Mary brought several items... including MY... MY MY Vegan pumpkin pie... which I thought no one would eat but me and I would take the rest back...(the guy on the right piled cool whip on the filling of my VEGAN PIE)

this guy... just scooped out the filling of MY MY Vegan pumkin pie and left the crust in the pan
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
I was in shock... who does that... just leave the crust in the pan and scoop out all the filling!!!!
The one on the left is a Virgin... I stayed away after I found out... no more of that!We all had a great time, played BINGO, (everyone let me win... Mary
's card on the left... mine on the right... but I won... ha ha ha.. thanks!) I won a candle and rare war playing cards with terrorist faces on them... Tom had lots-o-giftsVEGAN Pie Filling eater on the RIGHTOh look... while I'm taking pictures... that guy is still eating my VEGAN Pie filling!!!THEN...

Mary, her husband and I went to Wally's to watch Batman the first movie with Adam West as the lead on Blue-Ray... we laughed and had a great time... OMGUncle Fred (Adam West agent) brought me some fruit... always thinking about the Vegan... so sweet...
Wally made a penis and balls with my orange and bananna... ha ha ha!the best time ever... the whole day.... non stop good times!

I did think about R2... hoping that he somehow found a way to smile by thinking of the good times he had with his mother... (this is his first holiday without her)...

I am thankful for my Family Friends that keep me thinking that I am a good person by just hanging out with me... they are so fun and successful... I am so happy!!!!


Tonight We are going to Pop Stars ... a GAY Club... oh this is going to be a trip... can't wait...

Monday, November 24, 2008

Dear Jay Leno

Jay... I have been thinking... and you are #1 ... the Number One Late Night Talk Show Host...
A legend...

I know what your producers, writers, crew, staff gets if you do another late night show...

but

WHAT DO YOU GAIN JAY? Not because NBC won't renew your contract... not because you can't get an awesome offer at other networks but retire from Late Night ... because you want to...

then do bit parts on sit-coms.. more stand-up... at least two more books...

Jay you have nothing to prove to anyone... you are the best... I have gone to other shows...
How are you going to have a better sidekick than Kevin Eubank?... How can you have a better band?... Producers? Writers?... Warm up guy?...

You can't top yourself...

Listen to Mavis... she won't tell you wrong... she loved you way back when... it's not about fame or money for her...

LoVe Ya Jay

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Curb your Enthusiasm

Friday still feeling kind of sad... because it was good by really to PK or the thought of PK who I met at the Tonight Show with Jay Leno... that was suppose to be my happy ended at least after spending two years loving that show everyday...

but ... that didn't happen...

I am going to see a screening that Fightn' Mad Mary's friend did and I invited Robert 2/Father... lets just call him R2

I text to Mary

G--- I forgot to check my email for the directions tonight... still thinking about stupid PK and Stupid GloZell

PK--- ???

Oh no I sent that text to PK... OMG... ah whatever...

G-- Hope you have a great day... don't worry about that text...

PK--- I'm leaving Ivan Gearge Asap.. I seek a better social and living environment

G--- That's great... I sure you will do well
PK -- U want me to leave you alone? Is that what I'm hearing?

G--- I want someone who wants me... I don't ask for much... and I give all I can but... I wanted you to want me ... but... I am not the one for you... your friends are interesting but... they are going to keep doing the same thing over and over... can't be apart of that

PK--- I hear that Whitney Bodyguard song playing in the air (sad face in red)

PK-- Though compassionate towards my crazy friends, I can't remain with some of them. Aside from this, if u don't want to be friends, OK (sad blue face)

G-- We can be friends... cool

PK -- Friends with no benefits =p

G- Right... I didn't get any benefits.. ( you hand sanitizer chinchilla lover!)
PK... I totally understand. U just sucked the blow pop too good I guess =D Every man's dream

G--- Yea... thanks (?)

PK ----- I am truly sorry for offending you. We should have had no sex at all and things wouldn't have become so confusing.

G--- Trust and believe I am not confused... wear a condom... yep that's is as simple as it can get... I'm not confused ( anymore)

PK --- I didn't say YOU or I are confused. But rather the SITUATION. Abstinence and integrity are the CHRISTIAN way, not condom. Flesh is weak

(this guy is totally nuts... totally nut!.. The next guy I go out with will be a born again HEATHEN)

G-- God Bless you

PK--- I do LOVE and RESPECT, and APPRECIATE you GG! You are an ORIGINAL , LOVING and SPECIAL friend....

G--- Bye ( All lies)

I was just blah... didn't want to go to the movie thing... didn't want to see R2... I mean I just can't switch from one guy to another( well ya did movie hoe) ... I shed a few tears...

I mean this new guy... knows nothing about "MY TODAYS AT THE TONIGHT SHOW"... and I never mention Jay... What was it all for? Two years... Who am I now?... nobody

Phone rings

PK--- Hey I'm in Burbank

PK just starts talking about work like nothing ever happened ... I just laughed in my head... he is trying to be this Christain that finds all the loop holes and grey areas... HA

----
at the Screening of SINGLES at Raleigh Studios Hollywood...

I was nervous that Mary wouldn't like R2 ... or R2 would think I'm so beneath him... he deals with movies on the big screen and... I don't know...
I met Mary's friend TONYA and TOM ( LOVE THEM)
I met Cheryl Hines from Curb your Enthusiasm... My Home Girl
R2 was very kind... on time... went out to a resturant... charming... he didn't eat but he paid for my meal and I got to keep the change... totaly different from PK...

(Cheryl Hines and Tom... The Three Divas!!!)

I would like to say thanks to Fightn' Mad Mary and her Husband for letting me use their computer...

R2 hasn't called since that night... hmmm...
Jimmy Crack corn and I DON'T CARE

it's Sunday and R2 Called... said he has been busy and he will be free after Tuesday... YEA!(not that I cared or anything... hee hee hee)

---

Friday, November 21, 2008

2 Episodes of Jerry Seinfeld...

Father=R2 and I go to Sherman Oaks Galleria... ate at the Cheese Cake factory..

G--- What size shoe do you wear?
Father --- (with a shocking look... he knows what I am getting at?)... a... size 9

G---- (With a shocking look... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO) size 9?
Father --- 9 1/2... on one foot a 10 on the other

G--- (He isn't joking?... A nine...)

Moment of silence.....

G--- You are kind of tall for a 9 shoe ( He's got to be joking... but Jay Leno doesn't have big feet... and he is still SEA BISCUIT)


. I had the worst salad ever... with beets and beans... gross... pleasant conversations... going nice..

He wants to go to the movies but doesn't' see anything he likes... I suggest Religious by Mill Maher...

during this religious movie... um... we started making out... interesting... no one was in the theater... okay... then

(Place Episode of Seinfeld)

Jerry --- How did the date go?

Elane--- (cleaning her glasses... sits on the couch and says)... He took it out

Jerry --- He took it out?

Elaine--- He took (breathing on the glasses... ) ha ha... it out

Yepper... people he took it out...

(another episode of Seinfeld)

Newman---- Your son was making out during Schindler's List
Parents--- No... not Jerry... during Schindler's List?

Yepper... I made out during Religuous... what ever you think happened... you are right... AHHHHHHHHHHHHH
--------
I'm on my way home... it's about 4.30 PM

PK--- Are we still going to see Ivan...
(he sounded kind of down)

G--- Sure...(Ahhhhhhhhh)
We go see Ivan... had a great talk with Ivan... Ivan looks fine but is in a lot of pain...(Ivan eating chocolate that PK snuck him)(Ivan after scratching his balls... so nasty) I told him that's what he gets for singing the old' familiar slave tune... Jimmy Crack Corn... Bye Ivan!

PK is hungry... we go to Whole Foods... OMG... the place is about to close... he takes forever sampling all of the soups...
about 8 different kinds of soup... he says he doesn't like the bisque ( NO SOUP FOR YOU)

the store is announcing please check out... by this time we are the only ones in the store...

G--- Come on the store is closing ... they manager guy is looking at us

PK--- We are in the store and they can't kick us out...

OMG!

Finally we go through the register... and I am heading out the door... the security guards are out side... and PK... turns to the right... and sits in the eating area...

G--- This place is closed ... it's after 10?
PK---- Are you always going to nag... we are costumers and they will be here for another hour cleaning up and stuff...

He has Clam Chowder, Lamb Stew, Gelato ( Ice cream type of stuff) and a tray of two bite brownies

Okay Fightn' Mad Mary... knows how this guy eats... military or just out of jail style..

he is humorous... I watch him dunk his brownies into his soup...
WHOLE FOODS Turns off the lights...I am so embarrassed.. but still like... this guy is funny but not ha ha but like" What is going to happen next?"

he takes forever... they turn back on the lights because clearly we are not leaving ...

after that we go to Starbucks...

PK tells me about a girl that he loved... a Flip (his words)... the got along well until the family intervened....

kind of sad... they talked about marriage... and the last he heard from her was 5 months ago... they were together last holidays...

hmmmmmmm

He wants to come in ... once again... it's late like 2AM...

PK--- You sleepy

G--- (Yeah go home)... yes...

Yada yada yada... he says why don't you do me first then I will put on a condom... yada yada yada... he goes to SLEEP! I GET NOTHING!!!! just bad breath

I'm talking snoring... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

3.40 AM... he wakes up and leaves...

I wasn't sad... but I know that this is goodbye... I tried to justify everything else ... but he had it good... didn't have to take me anywhere... didn't have to buy me anything... just show up... I wanted some company... what a waste of SIZE 12 shoe...
AHHHHHHHHHH Size 12 I say...

(moment of silence)


Remember... Size doesn't matter... it really doesn't




Wednesday, November 19, 2008

GloZell Is Alive...!!

Okay... like What the Zell is going on Glo?

I fell Friday in the middle of the street when I was with PK... I fell Sat. at home and broke my computer (AH!)... (WHAT GLOZELL BROKE HER COMPUTER... WHAT AM I GOING TO READ WHEN I SHOULD BE WORKING!)


and I fell Sunday at church... so Monday.. I just laid on the floor... I forgot what else I did...
SUNDAY.. I saw Bryan.. from the Tonight Show... light skin brother with beautiful fro... he was at this cafe on Ventura with a hot red head... looked good Bryan... take care... nice arms... if you were all white... I'll hit that ( ha ha ha)

so let me back up to Saturday night... I was house baby sitting and the parent asked me if if was alright if another parent drops off his son also and get paid more... (fine they will entertain themselves)

The father drops off the kid and... kind of wasn't leaving...

Father --- I remember you from last year... you baby sat my son

G-- Your son looks familiar... he has grown...

Father leaves and comes back in a few hours...

G--- Okay let me go get your son..

Father--- What's the rush
(What's the rush?)

Father --- I thought you were attractive last year (YOU LET A WHOLE YEAR GO BY)... and I wasn't sure if you are single... I hate dating and all but... I .. . if you were we could catch a movie or eat or... or...

GloZell--- (didn't I see this on TV... the father dates the babysitter? ... can't be worst that Chinchilla Man and gay sidekick)

Sunday Father and I went to P. F. Changs and to Madagascar ( I don't like scary movies... AT ALL so he didn't mind... ha ha ha)

Father loves movies and I love T.V. I told him that I named my boobs Lavern and Shirley... (It's true... Penny Marshall would be so proud)

Father--- Have you named anything else?
G--- (not really... I could go with the common name Betty but... I haven't named any other part) No

Father tells me that this is his first Holiday without his mom... who was named (drum roll please) ... Betty

Dear Mr. Jesus
Thank you and your Father God
for me not saying that my VaJayJay
was named Betty... Thank you.. so much
love GloZell

----
How ... HOW would I have gotten out of calling my vagina the same name as his dead mother... AHHHHH thank you Jesus!

Had a great time... cool... fine... he calls when he says he is going to call and wants to see me soon... hmmm

the only thing that's a little ?... is that he is in the Biz... and Father told me that he and his father don't talk much...

Fight'n Mad Mary looked Father up on IMDB and a Obituary of someone with his same name from his home state, the age his father could be came up....

What are the odds that this guy doesn't know that his dad has passed away...
What are the odds of me dating a gay chinchilla loving man... Lawd have mercy!


All I will tell you is that he is an older gentleman.. has himself together... has two kids so... maybe things still work... I don't know I don't care... I am shell shocked on that subject so...

--
Monday wait... I don't know what I did on Monday... oh well..

Tuesday... Went to Dr. Phil Show with Bob and Steve... (I love those guys... you should see everyone trying to figure out our relationship... )

on my way to meet Bob and Steve... I get a text from PK.. (hold on let me find it .. I am going to quote if word for word...
MY BEAUTIFUL CRACKER WE R FRIENDS FOR LIFE THROUGH THICK THIN POOR RICH I LOVED Y AT THE TONIGHT SHOW AND EVERY NITE AFTER AND U HAVE BEAUTIFUL BREASTS

I call Fightn' Mad Mary

G- I met this guy Sat. we went out Sunday.. he really likes me ( I think... he could be lying) but PK

FMM --- No

G --- But PK said that he loved me
FMM --- NO

G-- But PK text me saying that he loved me since the Tonight Show

FMM --- No GloZell
G --- No?
FMM--- NO .. this new guy sound better...

I think if I told my friends I am dating a dog... they would say.. well that's better that PK... woof woof...

G--- no? Mary is putting her foot down...

I didn't bring my camera on my Bob and Steve adventure... ( Yep GloZell must have fallen hard) I forgot it... AHhhh

Steve tells us that while he was in the VA hospital he had a relative pay his bills for him... Steve trusted them and let them have his credit cards, put their name on his back account so they could take care of things...

Steve was in the hospital for months... four surgeries on the same knee...

His relative... put money down on a tummy tuck and 19 hundred dollars worth of groceries and VICTORIA SECRET!...
Steve is so hurt... he has to pay it or his credit is going to go bad... not much he can do because he put that person on his accounts...
AND...
Steve has to have a FIFTH operation on the same knee... ( Don't go to a VA hospital... just don't go)


I will get up an go to the library, FMM and blog and take my computer to the Geek Squad... anyone have any suggestions?...

I hate to bother FMM husband again... but I don't know how to put up the few pictures I have... I did do three videos before my computer fell... I will post those sometime... when I figure out how...
First African American President Part 1......

Friday, November 14, 2008

Family Matters at UCLA.....

Last Night... Par Par and I went to a UCLA Basketball Game... Yea!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

G--- That's... Urkel... from Family Matters... oh ...
G--- He's bigger now... gained some weight... Jaleel White use to be tiny... look at his swagger... look at him walk

Par Par--- He has a big behind... you walk like that...

(Oh... thank you... can't have a behind too big for a brother )

Urkel went to UCLA and was on the floor... Jaleel was very nice and was more than happy to take a picture... YEA! .............. I Had a great time! (Thanks Fightn' Mad Mary for hooking us up with tickets)
---------

GLOZELL'S GHETTO GOSSIP....

What did Lindsay Lohan say... "This is the first time we have an co (mumble) President...
Did she say colored...

poor white people... yawl don't ever know what to say... if you say black ... someone gets mad... if you say Afro-American ... someone gets mad... colored... someone gets mad... maybe.. no no

You can't say nigger... ha ha ha... (in public... we all know you do at home Archie Bunkers!.. go ahead... say it... no one's around... you know you want to)

just have a picture of a black person and point to it... (that's the safest way...)

you are welcome my beautiful Caucasians ....

-------

Why oh why is that man/woman having another baby ...Thomas Beatie... the guy who was born a woman... is having another baby... okay... I'm just jealous... this he she... is married and having kids... and... I'm ...ah... ah... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH writing a blog... I should hook up with RuPaul ( heck... I might be... Virgin in Vegas)

It takes too much to get on Oprah( I don't have time to grow a penis)--------Isn't it wonderful that that Big eared cheater Prince Charles who has married his mistress, still is royalty turns 60... all because the Paparazzi doesn't follow him and could careless what he does...

-I got a chance to talk to my sister... um... when I talk to my mother it will be a totally different story... I don't know if the Police called but this Sunpass was one issue...

Sunpass is a lane that you just drive through if you bought the Sunpass... if it's not one thing... it's another... I don't know what to do... I pray that my sister doesn't loose it... and my mother stops worrying... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Comunication people!!!!!


video

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

What Happens in Vegas... I better find out

That night with the Virgin....

it was Halloween and I was passing out candy at Fightn' Mad Mary's house.... Virgin called wanted to come over .... (Fightn' Mad Mary and Par Par)
He came over... wanted to go to a club where his roommates work (he has three... yeah I know)

we had a great time in West Hollywood looking at all costumes...

holding hands... (one on the right said " Oh you are so pretty"... they were Destiny's Child..)it was great... (one next to Aunt Jemima... said I was pretty... great people)
(This group told me I have such a natural look... so beautiful... I was feeling GREAT!)
(This guy said I was beautiful... People told me that a lot that night in West Hollywood... then he asked
" Where you born female?... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Those guys thought I looked good... for a man!!!!)We picked up his roommates (one has a car but tags not up dated then he broke his rear mirror so he pays "Virgin" to drive him until he can pay to get his car together) Random drunk guy at the club who wanted to take a picture with me... okay
We go to Norms... leave about 5.30 AM when we leave....

we go to there place... it's about 6.30 AM....

I am about to fall out... it's Saturday Morning and I haven't been asleep since Thursday night....

"Virgin gives me his PJ" (Sponge Bob Square Pants... I wish I was kidding)

I pass out and hear him in the shower... (7 15 AM)

he gets in his... FUTON ( man... I have to learn to be a gold digger.... )

Virgin starts rubbing my back... ( I'm like ?... sweet I guess)

"Virgin" --- Do you want me to stop?

G--- ( I don't care I am so sleepy)... it's fine ... thanks...

Virgin starts kissing me... ( my breath had to be orangutan-ish)

so we undress... I'm like no this isn't going to happen is it? The "Virgin"?

I'm on my back and he is on top... reaches over me then puts his hand under the cover...
I'm thinking he is putting on a condom... but still thinking... did he have this planned... why else would he have a condom...

(I will save you the details but... he was VERY VERY GOOD)

Doggy style...

I'm facing his Chinchilla is running around crazy....

Chinchilla ---- (leave my dad alone... leave my dad alone) Squeak squeak....
Virgin ---- Squeak click click click... squeak squeak

VIRGIN IS TALKING TO THAT (BEEPING) CHINCHILLA...

(but never messed up his rhythm so can't complain to much but come on... don't talk to your rat during ... come on)

afterwards... I realize he doesn't have on a condom...

G--- You reached over me... I thought you were getting a condom?

V---- I was putting on gel

G- -- ( Gel? he was prepared and had gel but no condom?) Oh you use gel

IT WAS (DON'T LAUGH)...

ANTIBACTERIAL HAND SANITIZER FROM THE 99 CENT STORE!

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

WHAT...
HAND SANITIZER... ARE YOU JOKING?... ARE YOU SERIOUS?...

It kills Germs... not Sperms....
so how stupid but yet somewhat satisfied... but mostly Stupid do I feel... then I don't hear from him for a week and two days....

I still had the stuff from Planned Parenthood and I took the Plan B Pill ... thank goodness I had it...
--------
yesterday I broke down and called him....
"Virgin" was talking like he was happy to hear from me... we never brought up Halloween... I told him you are missing out on a good person... you need to keep contact and step it up...

I mean I understand you just want to be friends but you should keep in contact I go on and on ... we end the call....

Text from "Virgin"

Glowie, you are one of my very best friends and I love you and appreciate your positive attitude and fighting spirit! U Go, brownie!

(he loves me... HA!)
He calls saying that he is going to Vegas Tonight with his roommate and wants to see me before he hits the rode...

I wait for more than an hour... looking good...

Text from Virgin....(2 AM)

Yep I am on the road Ivan called early tonight for me... I seriously needed your help packing. I just had too much to do in preparation for the trip... (roommate Ivan)
Text 2 (2.17 AM)

Sweet dreams, gg. Pray for our trip. Gonna be a long trip

How stupid do I feel AGAIN....

I am glad that he's not mad at me or rocking in a corner repenting ...

maybe I should
---

Dan W (A flight attendant I met at the Tonight Show with Jay Leno) is coming in town today so I am glad to not mope around feeling stupid... looking forward to seeing him...

---

Okay Okay... I am hoping that he "Virgin"/PK calls from Vegas... he is in Vegas (Sin City) with his gay roommate... but... but... he said he loves me via Text... hmmmmmmmmmm... guess I have room for more stupid...

I talked to Brathoz today who worked at Choza Mama the Peruvian restaurant across the street from the Tonight Show... (Long hair... in a Japanese band) he was fired for something he said to the manager... we just laughed... great guy...