Location: Braid Shop corner of Crenshaw and Manchester. The whole day played like a show. That’s the only way I could think to write it.
(GloZell sits in M.A.D. chair. She yanks and yanks to get the braids out. GloZell takes the pain. TKO By Teddy P. plays on the radio)
MAD== Teddy Pendergrass crashed in a car because he was getting lip service by a transvestite. He has been in a wheelchair ever since.(Miss All Dat)
MAD== Ladies use to throw their panties at him at his concerts. They didn’t know he didn’t smell them. He was wearing them. (Everyone Laughs)
MAD== GloZell did you hear about that girl who went to Home Depot and her foot got cut off.
Person in chair== They got it made now! All that money
MAD== That’s stupid how they got it made without a foot!
MAD==(singing) Feet don’t’ fail me now hey hey.
Nikki==God’s going to get you MAD for saying that.
MAD== (Singing) Get on the good foot
Nikki= You know I went out last night. I sat my cup down and I felt a heat come over me after I finished my drink.
Chola== You think someone put a roofy in your cup.
MAD== Nobody wants you old tired, fat and broke body. No one is going to waste a date rape drug on you. (Ha ha)
Nikki== Shut up! I know my body and something was put in my drink.
Kem== That’s why I dance with my cup, I don’t ever sit it down.
MAD== That’s why you a drunk. Nikki is a drunk to. Ever since I knew her, she would take off her shoes and dance. That’s nasty.
Customer== Yeah only white people do stuff like, take off their shoes and walk around in public.
MAD== That’s right child cause they don’t care how thick the bottom of their feet get. They think that’s cute It’s disgusting. GloZell stop moving I need to get all your naps out.
GloZell== Ok, but it hurts.
MAD== (Singing) if your nappy and you know it clap your hands. Clap clap etc.
GloZell==MAD you are crazy
MAD== My Foot hurts, it’ killing me.
Nikki== That’s what you get for talking about that girl.
MAD== (singing) get on the good foot hey hey.
Mary== My chin is itching
MAD== You are growing a beard.
Mary== Stop it! I’m using Merderma on an old scar and it’s working. The side effects are that my chin won’t stop itching. But the scar is almost gone.
MAD== You are growing a beard!
Mary== Shut up MAD.
MAD== My cat is gay.
MAD== Ask Chola, ain’t Smoky gay? (Chola ignores MAD)
MAD== My cat is gay and the other cats pick on him. He hates being called a cat; I have to call him feline. Ain’t that right. It’s true! Smoky only uses his paws to eat he wont eat like a cat. He loves chicken breast. He won’t eat dark meat. Tell her momma.(Miss All Dat, Mother, and sister Chola who didn't want to take the picture)GloZell== MAD you need your own show. No one is going to believe the stuff you think of.
MAD== Tell Jay Leno to give me a show. I will always tell the truth!
GloZell== That’s what I’m afraid of.(Eminem plays on the radio)
Nikki== That white rapper is fine.
MAD== I will twirl with that Gangster Clear Boy. Clear boy got soul. (Everyone jams)
GloZell== I sure wish some opera will come on the radio so you will stop dancing and I can get my hair done.
MAD (singing) ch ch chain… chain of naps…
MAD== How is your clear man?
GloZell== I cant’ wait to tell him that he’s clear.
MAD== They call us colored, so I can call them clear.
MAD== Did you see Dr. Phil yesterday y’all. He had on a 1000 lb. man and a 700-lb. woman. I bet she smells like buttermilk. Ha ha
Nikki== How do they go to the bathroom? How do they wipe themselves?
MAD== They don’t they just take a toilet brush, wipe and dunk it in the toilet.
GloZell== Something is wrong with you.(Please God don't strike me along with her)
MAD== Some guys like stuff like that. I knew a fat guy who went to the fat lady club and would watch fat women dance. A guy paid me 100 dollars to step in mud and let it ooze between my toes.
I got that money honey! (GloZell’s phone rings)
GloZell== Hey Big Freaker. You called at a crazy time.
BF== What you broke up with that white guy? You gone give a brother another chance?
GloZell== No, I’m getting my hair done and they are talking about how freaky men can be. MAD said that men like feet and stuff.
BF.== I love a woman with big feet. (What?) I’m a big dude, I like big women. Not fat but big with big feet size nine or ten.
GloZell== Okay, I guess I live under a rock. I got to go.
BF== Who doing your hair? That red bone girl I seen on your blog?
MAD== He talking bout me? Tell him I’m a Leo. (He’s a Leo) Two Leo’s are wild animals together in bed... it’s like...
GloZell== Okay, I get it. (Bye BF.)
In walks a guy selling socks, dominoes and water guns. Nobody bought them.
GloZell== My Clear guy is nice and there is no drama. We are fine.
MAD== I got an older guy too. He treats me like gold. I attract so many men because of my pheromones. Women like me too.(singing) If you’r gay and you know it strap it on clap clap.
MAD== My honey and I was shopping at the 99 cent stow. And he let some girl go in front of us in line, so he can look at her behind. I picked up the six pack of Shasta diet grapefruit soda and I was about to wear him out in dat stow wit dat soda, Okay! MAD don’t play dat. I will snap… that is some good soda, have you ever tried it?
GloZell== Ah, yeah.
Radio plays "Wanna be starting something" by Michael Jackson. Everyone jams.
MAD== He jumps around way too much. Michael has a LDW (Light D=male part Walk)
GloZell== What do you think of Jay Leno?
MAD== It’s always’s Jay Leno with you. He got that HDW (Heavy D=male part)Let’s see with Jay’s big head, and he’s Italian… he has a huge piece of meat.
GloZell== Why did I ask?
MAD== You know why you asked. Don’t play dumb.(Sierra plays on the radio)
MAD== Y’all know Sierra is man right.
GloZell== I heard that. If she is, she is a beautiful man.
Customer== Sierra was on a talk show and said that she was born a man.
MAD== Told ya.
Another stylist== You can tell by her shoulders. That’s a man.
Nikki==just because she was born with both parts don't make her a man!
R. Kelly plays on the radio.
MAD== R. Kelly is nasty and sick. I saw the video and he peed on that girl. You can tell she was young because she didn’t know what she was doing. He had to help her out. He kept leaving the room because he kept getting soft. Yes I said that, and you can quote me.He says in his songs that he’s the Pied Piper. He’s a pedophile.
GloZell== Peedaphile. Peed Piper. Ha ha.
Mary== He still is a genius when it comes to music.
MAD== Im a genius too and I ain’t no pedophile. R. Kelly is the devil.
In walks the TeaCake Lady. Tea Cakes 1 dollar each.
MAD== What time is it? What time is it? My nerves, my nerves! (It’s noon) I knew it I have to take my pills. I knew it! (Takes her nerve pills) The way I got my man is by using that down home country possum scoot loving. Chile dey use to have a blue pill but girlfriend’s let me tell you there is a yellow/tan one that works! Toys are good also.
GloZell== I’m glad I’m going to church twice tomorrow.
MAD== So, I go every Sunday also. My foot hurts! GloZell you the massage therapist, massage my foot! (No thank you) I’m need to get those Crock shoes. I seen some at Rite Aid for 5.99 in three colors.
GloZell== Cocks or Cracks for 5.99 at a drug store.
Radio plays, "Play that funky music white boy". Everyone starts dancing.
GloZell== I’m never getting out of here!
MAD== Good, you are never around black people anyway. We need to keep you longer.
MAD== I learned how to take out a wallet with my toes from Pick Pocket Pearl. She lived down the street from us.
GloZell== (How random is her thinking?)
Nikki== I’m hungry I want a burger from Fresh and Meaty.
MAD== Hey yawls remember that restaurant called Moo and Oink?
Chola== That’s gross I never ate there because of the name.
GloZell== On Hollywood, theirs a Chinese restaurant with dog and cat pictures on the window.
MAD== SMOKEY FRIED RICE! SWEET AND SOUR SMOKEY!
Everyone sings "Always and forever" then "Square Biz". MAD boyfriend walks in with Bar-b Q from "The Bar-b-Que Church" on Avalon and El Segondo. It’s in the parking lot of a church. It was very good food.
Radio plays "Burn rubber on me" by Charlie Wilson.
Nikki== I was six years old, I will never forget it. The radio was on and this song burn rubber came on. I was stealing some cookies out the oven and burned myself on my arm, see.
GloZell== Put some Merderma on it. The scare will go away but you might itch and grow a beard.
MAD== It’s hot! I can't be in this heat with the kind of med's I'm on! I’m glad I wasn’t born in slavery days.. cuz I would be one rebellious Negro. I would have to stay in the house.
Mexican comes in selling pineapple…People buy them then he leaves.
Nikki== I would take a Mexican. (Yes and nods from everyone)
MAD== I’ll take a Mexican, because they work hard. A "N" ain’t going to get up to sell oranges. But a Mexican is going to provide for his family.
Another stylist== A Mexican lives by me and he gets up at 5 every morning. But you gone have 13 kid by him also.
MAD== So, I will have 13 kids. Amigo is going to take care of them. All I have to do is put up with him drinking his Coronas. That’s all. A "N" will sell crack on the street corner, ruin the black family and the black community. Ain’t nobody gone to jail over selling oranges! "N" has way too much pride. They always say that they are "trying" to get ahead. Education is offered, but they don’t want that.
GloZell== Amen to That!
Nikki== Tavis Smiley is helping the community. He has investments all over. The Whites and Jews are taking over downtown LA and he is helping us, by starting up banks and programs so blacks can get some of them condos downtown with only a 650 fICO score.
GloZell== Is Tavis gay?
Nikki== I have seen him out plenty of times and he is always with a woman.
MAD== GloZell you think everyone in California is gay.
Customer== Turn on the TV! Turn in on ya’ll.
MAD== The KKK is protesting on Crenshaw!
Clear woman walks in to get appt. for braids. Shop is silent.MAD wants her hair to make a weave. Conversation continues.
GloZell==They sent a spy! How am I going to get home? That’s right down the street from me!
MAD== I can’t believe that!
GloZell== I can, they do it all the time in Florida. I was in a Martin Luther King Parade and the KKK came also, all proud in their hoods. They show up to a lot of black functions, as long as the police show up. The Police protect them. It don’t even make the news all the time.
MAD== If the KKK show up on my street, I will put on a white hood, drop some blonde weave pieces from underneath it and shout " White Power". I’m gone live. Nobody is going to hang me.
Silence… Black man walks in selling jeans and people buy them.
Steve== Do you want to buy some jeans?
GloZell== No thank you. I don’t buy jeans and if I did it wouldn’t be out of your van.
Steve== Thanks anyway. You want to buy a purse?
GloZell== No I got other things on my mind. The only way I know how to get home is on Crenshaw and the KKK is marching.
Steve makes several trips back and forth from his van…
MAD== His name is Big Steve. He’s a good man.
GloZell== What happen to all that "N" don’t do this and "N" don’t do that talk?
MAD== Not all black men are like that GloZell. Steve is a good man… my man is a good man. You should see his sidekick. Hey Big Steve, show GloZell your sidekick.
GloZell== I don’t know what that is, but no thank you.
Big Steve== What’s your name? I’m sure I’ve got something for you.
MAD== GloZell’s got a big behind. I know you like that donkey.
GloZell== Black men are fine. I am attracted to older white guys who are clean cut and drama free.
Big Steve== Hey I can dress like you want me too.
GloZell== I don’t know why we are talking about this. I’m sure you are a great guy! I have a...man (MAD== he’s clear!) anyways… I have a guy and I’m happy. No Drama. (MAD== sounds boring, she need a brother to put it on her) ANYWAY, I don’t like tattoos. Don’t change just for me. Find someone who wants you.
Big Steve== Chill, Oh I don’t have a problem getting someone.
MAD== Show GloZell the Sidekick!
GloZell== sees the picture on a phone like thing called a sidekick. Her mouth fly’s open.
GloZell== That’s not real! (Everyone says "It’s real") Who took that picture? Who is that?
Big Steve== I did. God has blessed me, it's all me. (Steve walks to his van)
GloZell== How did he take that picture by himself? His arm would have to be mighty long because…(MAD== it’s not his arm that’s long, you can’t be that dumb) Yeah... that looked like a big baby leg. That would make me run to a white guy. I know a girl who dated Shaq and the next time I saw her, she was walking hand in hand with a girl.
MAD== Yeah, that the kind of thing that would tear up a girls insides.
GloZell== For real?
MAD== For real, I don’t lie. You can tell that to your Jay Leno.
Steve walks back in… MAD announces that I work at the Tonight Show.
GloZell== I just do a blog… that’s all… I don’t chill with Leno or anything.
Big Huge Steve==… Jay Leno! Here’s my CD. You can give it to Jay.
GloZell== You sell CD also?
Big Steve== I can get you whatever you need.
For more info about Steve’s CD and his single" It’s A War Outside.
Contact Steve at (562) 240-3203 or www.myspace.com/dangerousmusick
When I got to Crenshaw the KKK had gone, it was just some Police hanging around. What a day! Is it that interesting where you get your hair done?
Remember, Make love not war…