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Have you ever felt like singing about... white people ... I know we all do
this was the after thought ...
HOW TO BE WHITE: By Dan Wereszynski
-There are several types of clothing white people wear. Many of them have different meanings and serve different venues. You’ll need at least one each:
Track suit – Working out, and staying fit. You won’t actually work out in this, but it gives a great illusion. Usually worn by old Jewish people in Boca Raton, Florida in a health club (please note: health club is actually a resort with steam rooms and saunas only).
Preppy Snob – Very simple. Consists of khaki pants, a clean white tee-shirt (no wife beater shirts), with a crisp long sleeved blue unbuttoned shirt over the tee. Always have your nose held high when wearing this, and NEVER tuck in. ALWAYS WORN BY ANY NYU AND UCLA STUDENT.
Formal Wear – Just look on c-span and wear whatever the oldest guy with gray hair is wearing. Usually worn by Republicans.
California Hangin’ – Cargo shorts which almost touch the knees (little baggy). Any short sleeved tee shirt which has some type of artistic design or anti-government slogan. Must use sentences that consist of the words dude, hot, freelance, and spirit every hour. Usually worn by hippie’s who have very rich parents that own good businesses or many shares in the stock market.
-When it comes to language white people can be a bit funny and unusual. But this guide should help.
First off, ALL white people know at least one Spanish phrase. So it would be good for you to pick one out and practice it as if you were a tourist visiting Spain, Mexico, or talking to your hired help Pedro who takes care of your garden at the summer house.
If your annual income is over
$100K per year you must enunciate every letter of every word.
If your income is not up to par or you’re from Texas, Louisiana, Montana, Kentucky, Arkansas or Nebraska you should elongate every other word. Dropping the “g” sound off every word that ends in “ing” is acceptable too. Just watch old news conference with Sarah Palin and practice sayin everythin.
-White people have many forms of entertainment.
In the television world you should be a fan of at least one reality show, despise one, and not know of the existence of the other 80 reality shows created in the past year. Everyone should be a fan of Oprah and one prime time drama show from one of the different networks. Everyone should have seen the most recent Saturday Night Live show and explain even though it was funny it won’t ever be the same as when Dan Akroyd or Anthony Michael Hall did the show.
In terms of music that can be quite difficult to figure out white people. Let’s break it down like this:
Rural/country-side areas should like country music plus the entire State of Texas and City of Nashville.
In the urban and suburban areas teens and 20-somethings should be a fan of rap music and perform it horribly when drunk, doing karaoke, or sitting around smoking pot with their college buddies.
Parents and older generations should not like any rap music, but know of at least one rapper, but ALWAYS confuse his songs with that of another rap artist.
But all generations should be fans of Elvis and The Rolling Stones.
Gay people should like Broadway musicals.
All white children only has play dates at the local playground, in a park throwing a waffle ball up in the air to him or herself, or in a Chucky Cheese during a birthday party.
Reading should be only in the morning with newspapers, magazines at the waiting area of your weekly psychiatrist office. And books should be read in the library or park when trying to “find yourself”. College students should always discuss what books they have read in the past year, and use the phrase, “The book was way better than the movie.”
-In closing I hope this helps with your journey in becoming white. It may be hard at first as 89.2% of white people are emotionally unstable. But if you follow this guide, you’ll be on your way to Dodge in no time.-
Thank you Dan W. with all of the "Change"... we must make sure white folks don't forget where they come from... "Keep White alive!
Howie Mandel... take care of yourself... get well now... love ya bounce back show us Howie do it....